All these things that I've done
by purplepagoda
Summary: Catherine has a secret, maybe even a secret love child. But with who? And why has she hidden this dirty little secret for so long?
1. Riley's Revelation

All of us have pieces, extensions of ourselves that we don't share with the world. Our motives to hiding these things vary, but often there is a factor of protection. A secret to protect ourselves, or someone else. Of course it's impossible to be protected from everything. But we can try.

Some secrets are much bigger than others. Everyone has them, yet no one discusses them. Co-workers, even those who solve crimes don't know everything about each other.

She's sitting in a lawn chair in her back yard. The sun is shining and the weather is perfect. She smiles as the lawn fills with laughter. She smiles and snaps a photo with her digital camera, hoping to preserve the moment forever.

Soon all returns to normal, and that one moment of sheer happiness and carelessness is ended. She returns to the adult world, to work.

They had all wondered. There had been office pools, and bets. There had been whispering, and quiet gossiping. There had always been a question, but never an answer. And then there was an end. People still had the question in the back of their mind, but they had moved on.

Riley and Nick are in the break room. Nick is standing by the microwave and Riley has just taken a seat. Greg and Catherine are at a crime scene. Nick is waiting for his food to finish when Riley begins talking.

"I saw Catherine in the grocery store on Saturday," she tells him.

"Yeah and? I mean she does have a kid to feed."

"How old is her daughter."

"She's a teenager."

"Oh," Riley looks at her sandwich. The microwave beeps and Nick pulls out his food, he places it on the table and sits down across from Riley.

"Why do you ask?"

"Just curious."

"Why?"

"Well I've never seen her daughter."

"So you're wondering what she looks like?"

"I guess."

"Why are you bringing this up?" Nick asks.

"Never mind, maybe it wasn't her after all. I mean she didn't see me so maybe..."

"What do you mean?"

"I thought that it was her, but she had a kid with her."

"Well she has a kid. Like I said Lindsey is a teenager."

"She's only got one kid though right?"

"Yeah why?"

"I must have gotten confused. Whoever I saw had a little girl with her."

"How little?"

"Four maybe six at the oldest. I couldn't really tell. The little girl was in the shopping cart, and I just saw her from behind."

"I don't think that it was her."

"I guess not."

Later that day Catherine stops in the check on Nick as he works on his case.

"How are things going?"

"Good, I'm just double checking this piece of evidence. I don't want to miss anything."

"Where's Riley?"

"She went to grab a couple of bottles of water."

"Keep me posted."

"Will do," he tells her.

She's almost out the door when he takes the chance, "Hey Cath?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you get your grocery shopping done?"

"What?"

"The other day you said that you had to get to the grocery store or Lindsey would be eating crackers for the rest of the week."

"Yeah I managed to get there Saturday afternoon."

"Good. I wouldn't want to have to call child protective services," he jokes.

"If she got too hungry she could take the car and go to the store herself."

"But she'd fill up the cart with junk."

"Mostly," Catherine smiles and leaves the room.

The cases go smoothly and everyone gets home just after sunrise. Each CSI has a wind down routine when they get off. Riley checks her email and then falls into bed. Greg showers, eats and crashes on the couch with the T.V. on in the background. Nick takes a hot shower and falls into bed. And Catherine checks on things around the house, and crawls into bed after a quick bath.

She's half asleep when she feels that she's not the only one in her bed. She exhales deeply and with her eyes closed tries figure out what or who is in bed with her. She opens her eyes and a warm body crawls closer to her. Big green eyes stare up at her. "Are you coming in to wake me up?" Catherine asks.

"No," she answers.

"Then lay down please, I'm tired," she yawns.

The following shift Greg and Nick are in the locker room.

"So Riley said that she saw Catherine at the grocery store."

"Yeah so what? Nick she's not a rock star she grocery shops too."

"I know that Greg, but Riley said that she had a kid with her," Nick explains.

"Lindsey?"

"No a little girl," Nick replies.

"It probably wasn't her then."

"I asked Catherine. She was at the grocery store the same day that Riley thought that she saw her."

"Nick what is your point?"

"I don't know," he shrugs.

"It's not like she could have another kid and hide it from us," Greg points out.

"You're right."

"He's right about what?" Ray asks as he joins them.

"Nick thinks that Catherine has another kid because Riley saw someone who looked like her at the grocery store with a little girl, the same day that Catherine happened to go to the grocery store. But I told him that she could have another kid and hide it from us. That's not something that she would hide from us."

"You never know boys stranger things have happened," Ray tells them.

"Yeah but she would tell us," Nick reminds him.

"Maybe not," Ray postulates.

"Why not?" Greg asks.

"There are reasons that people hide things. When we find those reasons we come to understand that person more," Ray adds.

"It's impossible. I know her, that's not something that she would hide. I mean she couldn't hide that anyway. We'd notice," Nick argues.

"Let's say that she was able to hide it. Maybe she had a reason to hide it. What if for whatever reason it was too late to share when...if the issue was resolved?" Ray wonders.

"Dude you're cracked," Nick shakes his head.

"Nick it's not impossible," Ray states simply.

"Yeah it is," he argues.

"Then just go up to her and ask her," Greg suggests.

"No, Greggo you ask."

"I'm not the one who wants to know."


	2. Girl in the pink dress

She's handing out assignments when her cell phone rings. She pulls it out of her pocket and answers. She hangs up and looks at her team.

"Change of plans," she announces, "Nick take Riley. Greg take Ray with you."

"Where are you going?"

"I have a little situation. I'll be back shortly."

"Is Lindsey ok?" Nick asks.

"Yeah she's fine. Greg I'll see you at the crime scene in an hour or two," she tells him.

"Ok," he agrees.

She heads over to Desert Palms emergency room. She talks to a nurse and locates her mother. She finds her sitting in a chair next to a hospital bed.

"Mom what happened?" Catherine asks.

"I stopped by with dinner and she was coming in from the back yard. She tripped over the sidewalk and fell."

"Where is she?"

"They just took her to x-ray."

Just then Lindsey and a doctor come into the room. "Are you Miss Willows?"

"Yes. Is she ok?" Catherine asks.

"She's fine. She fell and tried to catch herself, but in the process she hit her chin. Nothing is broken. She just had to get a few stitches. She can go as soon as you sign the release papers. Just make sure she doesn't pull them out, they'll probably be itchy."

"Thank you," Catherine smiles as she signs the release papers. The doctor leaves and she sits down on the bed. "Are you ok?" she asks.

"I'm fine," she answers.

"Are you sure?"

"Uh huh," she responds.

"Will you be ok if I go back to work?"

She yawns, "Uh huh."

"Ok. Be more careful please," Catherine warns.

"Ok," she huffs.

"I love you," Catherine kisses her on the forehead.

"Bye," she waves.

"I'll see you girls later," she tells them as she leaves.

She heads over to the crime scene. Greg is taking pictures when Catherine arrives.

"Where's Ray?"

"He's in the bedroom processing."

"Good."

"So everyone is ok?"

"Yes everyone is fine."

"It didn't take you very long," he points out.

"It was just a few stitches," Catherine answers.

"Oh," Greg nods.

Catherine is surveying the crime scene when her phone rings. She flips it open. Greg listens to what she says carefully.

"The last time I saw it was in the car. Yes I'm sure. I can go look, but I'm sure that's where it is. No I can't leave. You'll have to get another one. The other one is clean in the laundry room. I know that. Yes mom I know. I have to get to work. I've got to go. I don't have... Hi sweetheart. Yes love you too. I've got to go. Ok bye," Catherine hangs up the phone.

"Everything ok?"

"Yeah. Everything is fine Greg."

"You just sounded irritated."

"My mother just called to remind me that I have a daughter who wants me to be at home with her."

"So take the day off," Greg suggests.

"I'd love to, but I've got bills to pay."

"You've worked for the department forever you must have a million vacation days."

"I have a lot."

"So take the day," Greg tells her.

"I'm taking three days next week, two weeks in July, and a week in August."

"You mean that I have to put up with Nick as acting supervisor for three weeks?"

"It's not so bad."

"I guess I'll survive," he huffs as he continues to process the scene.

Meanwhile at Nick and Riley's crime scene Nick is collecting evidence as Riley takes pictures.

"Riley you aren't married or anything are you?"

"What? Why would you ask that?"

"Are you?"

"No. Why are you asking it's so out of the blue."

"Do you have any kids?"

"No," Riley scowls at him.

"That's good. I mean it's not good that you don't, but it's good that you aren't hiding anything like that."

"Is this all because of me seeing Catherine at the grocery store the other day?"

"It just got me thinkin' is all," Nick admits.

"About what?"

"What if it was possible? If it were, and I'm not saying that it is, but if it were then what could the rest of our colleagues be hiding from us?"

"Maybe it wasn't her Nick."

"I think that it was Riley."

"So what? Maybe she was babysitting."

"Out of the past twelve days we got two off. Do you really think that she would be babysitting?"

"Maybe a friend of hers was in a bind."

"When does he have time to make any friends outside of work?" Nick probes.

"I don't know," Riley shrugs.

"What did the little girl look like?"

"I only saw the back of her. Why does it matter?"

"I'm just curious," Nick answers.

"She was wearing a pink dress and she had wavy hair with a pink barrette in it."

"Huh," he remarks.

"I don't understand why it's so important to you. It's completely irrelevant to what we're doing here. We should focus on the crime scene. If we miss something that leads to the person who did this getting off because you're worried about some figment of your imagination then we're screwed. Not to mention when Catherine finds out that we screwed up she'll be pissed and wonder why. When we tell her why we weren't paying attention she'll have both of our heads," Riley explains her point of view to him.

"Point taken. Let's focus," Nick agrees.

Thirteen hours later and both cases are at a stand still. All of the CSI's are around the table discussing their cases, waiting for Catherine to show up with the coffee that she promised to bring. Catherine enters the room sans coffee. They all look at her with bloodshot eyes full of irritation.

"Where's the coffee?" Nick questions.

"We've worked three days in a row, on rough cases. We're all tired, and when we get this tired we make mistakes. We've all been here for over fourteen hours. I want everyone to go home get some rest and come home. Be back by six," she tells them.

No one protests. They all scramble out of the room, and take their evidence to the proper places. They grab their things and head home, Catherine included.

The sun is shining brightly when she gets home. She parks her car, and unlocks the front door. She tosses her stuff down, and kicks off her shoes. She finds Lindsey on the couch watching T.V.

"Why is it so quiet in here?"

"It's naptime."

"Naptime? It's not even lunch time yet."

"Go take a shower and go to bed I've got everything, ok?"

"Were there tears after I left the hospital yesterday?"

"No," she lies.

"Good," she sighs and heads up the stairs. She takes a three minute shower and collapses into her bed in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. She wakes up at four after a solid six hours of sleep. She pulls her hair into a pony tail, and throws on some fresh clothes. She wanders towards the stairs. By the time she hits the second stair she hears music from downstairs. She finds Lindsey in the kitchen with her ipod locked into the dock. She sits down in a chair at the kitchen table and watches as Lindsey pulls some snacks out of the fridge.

"Are you hungry?" Lindsey asks.

"I think that I'll pass on the grapefruit Linds."

Lindsey rolls her eyes and puts the halved grapefruit on the table. Catherine sits at the table and quietly watches. Before she knows it she's back in her car on the way back to work leaving her other obligations at home.

They had all wondered, and theorized. They questioned, and probed, and considered possibilities. Yet none of them knew the whole truth about anyone that they worked with so closely day in and day out. Sometimes the bonds between co-workers become like the bonds between a family, and all bonds are tested. Of course some bonds are more important than others.

If only they could understand, but they probably wouldn't. We all fear the worst. We all dread the upheaval. We ignore the questions to avoid the heartache. We shut ourselves off to the world to protect ourselves, and our loved ones. But all could be avoided with the truth. Simple truths at the time when they make the most contextual sense are shields stronger than no other. Yet secrets define us and destroy us.

How we handle our secrets, our truths defines us, it molds us. How we handle other's secrets and truths define who we become to them, how they perceive us. Secrets that we keep because of fear are often better left in the open for everyone one to see, because what everyone knows can't be used to hurt you.


	3. Layla

"Is it that time of year already?" Catherine asks as she stands over a body in the middle of the desert.

"I'm afraid so," Greg answers.

"I just love this time of year," she tells him sarcastically as she adjusts her sunglasses. After only fifteen minutes of being at the crime scene she's sweating, and her hair is plastered to her head.

He smiles and adds, "I just love the smell," he jokes.

"Of road kill baked to the road and rotting, decomposing human flesh?" she questions.

"I'm thinking of making a cologne with those scents in mind," he quips.

"And to think I'm missing a nice lazy day of sitting in the air conditioning for this."

"It's painful huh?"

"Uh huh," she agrees.

They've just returned to the lab when Catherine's phone starts to ring. She answers after two rings, "Willows. Hi. Lindsey I'm at work. Can this wait? There's not anything I can do about that right now. I can't leave work. I'm sorry. Yes I know. What do you want me to do?"

"Catherine," he interrupts her.

"Lindsey I've got to go. I'll talk to you later," she hangs up.

"I found a button that doesn't appear to belong to the victim," he tells her.

"She doesn't have any buttons on any of her clothing. So it's not from anything she's wearing."

Greg and Catherine are nearly finished with their case in record time. Catherine is grabbing a bottle of water in the break room. Riley and Nick are taking a break to eat. Greg is double checking evidence, and Ray is in court. Aside from chewing the break room is pretty quiet. The silence is broken by the ring of Catherine's cell phone.

"Hello?" she answers. "I'm almost done. Ok, I'll be there soon. I know. We'll talk about it when I get home. Ok. Love you too, bye," she hangs up.

Nick and Riley look at her silently as they eat their food. Catherine stares at Nick, "You know that I'll be on vacation for three days right?"

"Yeah I know."

"And you know that you're acting supervisor right?"

"Yes."

"And you're excited right?"

"Sure," he nods half-heartedly.

"You're ready," she assures him.

"I know," he answers firmly.

"Great because I'm going to have to head out..."

"You've only been here fourteen hours and your case was a slam dunk."

"I have to go home before Lindsey sets it on fire or runs away. She's not very happy with me right now."

"She's a teenager," Nick points out.

"I promised that I'd be home two hours ago."

"I understand. You've got to do what you've got to do. When your kid needs your attention you don't have a choice," Nick tells her.

"You'll have kid one day," she promises him.

"You have to have a social life to have kids, and with these hours... that ain't gonna happen for... I'll probably get time when I'm fifty and die of a heart attack," he points out.

"You've got vacation time coming up," she reminds him.

"I know, and I'm going to use it," Nick smiles.

Catherine heads home and the rest of the team continues to work. Catherine pulls her car into the garage and kills the ignition. She shuts the garage door and sits in her car for a few moments. She finally opens the door and gets out. She locks the car behind her. She opens the door to the house, and is faced with the chaos, and the noise. She moves towards the sound of the T.V. She finds Lindsey sitting on the couch.

"Turn it down. It's too loud," Catherine tells her.

"Turning the T.V. down isn't going to help."

"I'm sorry. I tried to get home as fast as I could, but the evidence takes as long as it takes."

"I know that, but it's been like this all day."

"Really? All day?"

"You got called out at three thirty, and it's been like this since nine thirty seven."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm deaf," Lindsey responds.

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

"Something had to happen," Catherine argues.

"I woke up, made breakfast, and then this happened."

"I'll take care of it," she promises.

"You're the only one who can," Lindsey reminds her.

Greg and Nick are in the locker room getting ready to leave for the day. Greg is slipping on a new shirt when he begins, "I think that you might be right," Greg tells Nick.

"About what? I'm right about a lot of things."

"I don't know if you're completely right, but I think you're at least on to something," Greg admits.

"What are you talking about man?"

"I don't know what it is but I think Catherine is hiding something."

"Like what?"

"I don't know," he shrugs.

"What makes you think that?"

"Well Lindsey called today right after we got back to the lab."

"What did she say?"

"I don't know I couldn't hear her."

"But you heard Catherine," Nick clarifies.

"Yeah. She told Lindsey that she was at work and there was nothing that she could do because she couldn't leave."

"Maybe she got in trouble," Nick suggests.

"I don't know. But I'm going to find out."

"How?"

"I don't know, but I will."

"If there is something that Catherine is hiding it's for a reason. I'm sure that she doesn't want us to know. And if she finds out that you've been poking around in her business she'll kill you," Nick reminds him.

"I'm not afraid of her," Greg barely manages to choke out.

Nick shoots him a look, "We're all afraid of her," he points out.

"I'm not that afraid of her."

"Liar," Nick accuses.

Catherine wonders into her bedroom. She ignores the noise and quickly takes a bath and puts on pajamas. The noise doesn't cease, and instead gravitates towards her. She groans inwardly hoping to fix the situation at hand. She sits down on the edge of her bed and stares into big green eyes.

"Could you stop please?" she asks politely trying to hide the irritation in her voice.

The noise stops at once and the green eyes move closer to her.

"Mom," Lindsey comes into the room.

"Yeah Linds?"

"Can I go stay with grandma tonight?" she asks nicely.

"Yeah that's fine. I thought that you wanted to stay at Stacey's house though."

"Stacey's house is always so loud. I think I'd rather just have a nice quiet evening with grandma."

"Ok. Do you want me to drive you?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"Call when you get there?"

"Ok," Lindsey agrees leaving the room.

Catherine gets off the bed and grabs a tube of lotion off her bedside stand. She squirts some into her hands and rubs it in. She looks down at the green eyes of the creature that is attempting to climb up her.

"I'm not going anywhere," she says aloud.

There is no response, only breathing. She watches as a head finds a resting place between her neck and shoulder. Bright green eyes stare at her with sadness. Yet no audible response at all is elicited. No visual response occurs either. Only the sound of breathing fills the room. Catherine stares into the big sleepy green eyes and whispers, "Layla?"


	4. Don't leave me

"Layla?" she repeats.

Once again there is no response, only breathing. The air conditioning kicks on. The back door shuts, the clock ticks.

"Answer me please," Catherine begs.

Catherine studies the face laying against her. The face only scowls. No vocal cords vibrate, no lips move.

"Are you ok?" Catherine questions. Once again nothing.

"Layla please answer me," she implores.

She is ignored once again. She begins to rub the head that is resting against her. Minutes pass. The big green eyes close and the body relaxes. Catherine carefully lays the sleeping body on her bed just in time for the phone to ring. She grabs it on the second ring.

"Hello?" she answers.

"Mom I'm just calling to tell you that I made it."

A noise interrupts the phone call. "Thanks. I've got to go. I love you have a good time," Catherine hangs up. She hangs up the phone and stares at the source of frantic crying.

"Layla stop. I'm not going anywhere. It was just Lindsey. I'm not leaving you."

The noise stops. The ocean of tears recedes. Catherine wipes away tears from a tiny, delicate face.

Nick has been asleep for two and a half hours when he gets the call. Within the hour he's at the scene. Greg meets him. They follow Brass into the scene. A girl lays in the middle of her yard dead.

"I get to be supervisor and boom I get called in the middle of the night to come to this?"

"That's how the cookie crumbles."

"I hate cases with kids."

"Me too."

"I guess we'll just have to work even harder."

"Yeah," Greg agrees.

"Did you get any sleep?"

"I got a few hours," Greg admits.

"She's only seven. What was she doing out after dark?" Nick wonders.

"Who knows? Maybe she came out to look at the stars," Greg theorizes.

"An innocent kid playing in her own yard minding her business, and someone comes along and shoots her," Nick shakes his head.

"We'd better get started," Greg suggests.

"Yeah it's going to be a long day," Nick adds.

It's just after eight and Catherine has just fallen asleep. The lights in her house are off, and all the doors are locked. The bed is warm and the fan hums in the background. The blinds are drawn, and the door to the bedroom stands open. The room is filled with different noises. The fan, the air conditioner, the clock ticking on the wall, and snores coming from the bed.

At three Ray and Riley are called to their own scene. A traffic accident with suspicious circumstances. Ray starts with the tire tracks. Riley heads to the hospital with the sole living victim. And eventually the both of them end up back at the lab processing their evidence. Nick and Greg join them just after six.

"Are you coming to help?" Riley asks.

"No, I thought you two might like to join us for a quick breakfast. We can talk about our cases, and come back with fresh perspectives," Nick suggests.

"I'm in," Riley agrees.

"Who's buying?" Ray asks.

"It's Greg's turn," Riley points out.

"Yeah ok," Greg nods.

They all put their evidence away temporarily, and grab their stuff. The four CSI's jump in Nick's vehicle and head to a diner nearby to get breakfast. Riley orders oatmeal, Ray an omelette, Greg french toast and bacon, and Nick gets the biggest breakfast on the menu.

At twelve past six Catherine wakes up. She looks around her room, first at the clock, then the other half of the bed, to the window. The sun has yet to make an appearance. Breakfast of any sort is the last thing on her mind. She rolls over and puts a pillow over her head.

At the diner talk somehow veers from cases to Catherine, the most recent hot topic at the lab.

"I bet Catherine is dead asleep right now," Nick bets as their waitress heads to the kitchen with their orders.

"If I were her I would be," Greg admits.

"I'd love to have three days off," Riley smiles.

"In a row... we'd all love that," Nick agrees.

"So did you get to the bottom of the mystery yet?" Ray asks.

"What mystery?" Nick asks.

"The one about Catherine?" Ray questions.

"No. I think that I should just leave it alone," Nick admits.

"Nick if you have an allegation, or a concern why don't you just ask her?" Ray wonders.

"Are you kidding? He doesn't want his head on a platter. If anyone could kill you and make it look like an accident it would be Catherine," Greg defends him.

"Besides I can't just go up to her out of the blue and go 'Hey Riley saw you in the grocery store with a kid. Do you have another kid that you forgot to tell us about, or something?' I can't do that."

"Don't bring me into this," Riley warns.

"How can I not? If you hadn't seen her in the grocery store with a kid none of us would be so paranoid," Nick questions.

"So then just pretend that I didn't see her. I mean it might not have even been her."

"I can't do that. You can't put pandora back in the box," Nick rants.

Catherine finally rolls out of bed a few minutes before eight. She's sitting in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee when she hears footsteps coming from her upstairs. The footsteps suddenly stop.

"Mom!" A frantic voice yells.

"I'm down here," Catherine answers.

"Mom!" the voice calls again.

"I'm in the kitchen," Catherine yells out.

The footsteps rush down the stairs into the kitchen. They stop at her feet. Catherine smiles widely, "I'm right here."

"Don't leave me," she begs.

"I'm not going to leave you. I'm off work today," Catherine reassures her.

"Promise?"

"Yes I promise," Catherine nods.

"Ok," she sighs.

"How's your chin feeling?"

"Itchy," she answers.

"Does it hurt?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"You need to be more careful," Catherine reminds her.

"I know," she answers.

"I think that you're going to have a nice big bruise there."

"It hurt a lot the other day," she admits.

"I'm sorry," Catherine apologizes.

"Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"Will you stay home with me forever?"

"I can't stay home with you forever. I have to go to work and make money. I have to pay bills."

"But I don't want you to."

"Do you want to live in a box?"

"Yes," she smiles.

"Outside in the rain?" Catherine questions.

"No," she shakes her head.

"Then I have to go to work."

"But not today?"

"No not today. I get to stay home with you today."

"Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"I hate when you go to work."

"I know."

"Mommy?"

"What?"

"Can I have some coffee?"

"No," Catherine answers.

"Mommy?"

"Huh?"

"Can I sit in your lap?"

Catherine smiles at the little girl. "Yes."

"Mommy?"

"What?"

"I love you."

"I love you to Layla," Catherine answers.

The little girl lays her head against Catherine's neck. Catherine pets her thick, wavy, hair, and smells her. She wraps her arms around the little girl and holds her tightly.

"Mommy don't leave me," she begs.

Catherine says nothing she just chokes back the lump in her throat. As she holds the little girl she fights back tears, but she says nothing, she just watches the beautiful little girl.


	5. Crackpot theory

The morning quickly becomes the afternoon. Catherine gets dressed and works on a heaping pile of laundry. Lunchtime comes and goes. She blinks and its just past one in the afternoon. She's vacuuming her dining room. She turns of the sweeper and is overwhelmed by the silence. She looks around the room and sees no one else. She unplugs the vacuum and leaves the room. She quietly walks from room to room. She stops in the living room and finds who she's looking for laying on the floor asleep. She leaves the room and goes into the garage. She climbs into her car and pulls out the blanket that is stuffed under the seat. She locks the car behind her and returns to the living room. She tosses the blanket over the little girl and collapses on the couch. She stares at the fragile girl laying on her living room floor. She listens as she breaths in her sleep.

She remembered that afternoon very well.

Flashback:

_It all happened so fast, too fast. It all went wrong at once. It was a blurr. When she woke up she was in a different room. It was too quiet. After a few seconds the realization set in and then someone began talking to her. "Are you feeling ok?" a blonde woman asks her._

"_I think so," she answers despite feeling as if she'd been run over by a Mack truck._

"_Would you like to hold her?" the blonde asks as she lifts something, rather someone very small out of a basinet. Catherine looks at the woman, and then the sleeping infant. She stares at the tiny baby for a few seconds longer and then answers, "No."_

And that's how it was for far too long. She didn't want to hold that child, or even look at her. She didn't want to be in the same room. And then one day a few months in she was all alone.

Flashback:

_It's late. She's just finished a double shift. Her hair is still wet, she's freshly out of the shower. She flips off the light, and collapses into her bed. The crying begins. She covers her head with a pillow hoping that it would stop. After a few minutes she tosses the pillow onto the floor and throws back the covers. She crawls out of bed and wonders down the hall. She goes into a room with an open door, and flips on a lamp in the corner. She just stands over the crib staring at the wall. The crying doesn't subside. "Please go to sleep," she begs. The crying doesn't stop. She looks into the crib as the infant wails. The baby's cheeks are red, and her onesie is soaked in tears. She stares at the baby. __She lifts the baby out of the crib and holds her in her arms. The crying gets quieter as the baby's head rests against her heart. She wipes away tears from her face. "Please don't cry," she whispers. The crying softens just a bit more. The baby grabs her finger. She tries to get free, and is finally successful. She begins petting the baby's cheek. "Baby please go to sleep," she asks in exhaustion. The crying stops. The baby's eyes open and stare at her. She tries to look away, but can't. She stares into a pair of big green eyes. They flutter closed, and she returns the infant to her crib. She flips off the light and starts down the hall. The crying starts again. She turns around and goes into the room once again. She takes the baby out of the crib and she instantly stops crying. She heads toward her own bed with the infant in her arms. She lays down in her own bed with the baby on her chest. Within just a few seconds both are sleeping soundly._

As the little girl snores Catherine watches her with guilt. There were so many mistakes that could have been prevented. So many times that she could have done better. She stares at the floor and whispers, "I'm sorry."

Soon enough her vacation is over and she has to return to work. She's not fully awake when she grabs her phone on the first ring. She throws on some clothes and heads out. The case drags on. The day is almost over after what seems like an eternity. Catherine is sitting in her office when someone knocks on her door. She doesn't even look up from her paperwork, "Come in," she answers. Lindsey comes into the office with an unexpected surprise.

"Lindsey what are you doing here?"

"I've got a concert to go to."

"What concert?"

"Mom you've known about it for over a month."

"You're going to have to wait. I'll be done in half an hour."

"Mom I'm already late."

"Lindsey I need..."

"I'm leaving."

"Lindsey you can't leave," Catherine argues.

The door to the office slams shut. Tiny footsteps move toward her. They stop at the edge of the desk.

"Hi,"

"Are you done yet?" the little girl asks.

"Almost," Catherine answers.

"Can you sit over here and be really quiet please?"

"Uh huh. I'll just color," she answers.

"Is that a new coloring book?" Catherine answers.

"Yep it's a princess one. Not disney Princesses, but they're still princesses. Grandma got it at the store for me last week. Do you want to see," she answers.

"Maybe when whe get home," Catherine answers.

"Ok," the little girl smiles.

"Be quiet and I'll be done quicker ok?"

"K," she answers as she sits next to Catherine hiding behind the desk.

Twenty minutes later Catherine finishes. She grabs her purse out of her desk drawer and collects the crayons and coloring book.

"Are you ready?" she asks.

"Will you carry me?"

"Layla you're too big for me to carry."

"But mommy I'm so tired."

"So am I."

"Please mommy," she stares at her with big green eyes, "I love you this much," she stretches her arms out as wide as they go.

Catherine's eyes roll, "I suppose," she answers.

She locks her office door, and closes behind her. She walks as quickly as she can down the hall. She doesn't stop. She practically runs through the parking lot. She gets in the car as quickly as possible, and peels out of her parking spot.

Nick finds himself in the locker room with Riley.

"Are you heading home?" he asks her.

"Yep," she answers.

Greg joins them, "So I think that I could possibly be imagining things."

"It wouldn't be the first time," Nick quips.

"Why do you think that?" Riley probes.

"Well I was checking on some results when I saw, or at least thought that I saw Lindsey walking by. But then there was a kid with her."

"Like a boy?" Nick asks.

"No not like a boyfriend, like a little kid," Greg answers.

"I'm listening," Nick tells him.

"So then a few minutes ago I saw Catherine leaving, and she was carrying the little girl,"he explains.

"Did you see what she looked like?" Nick asks.

"I just saw the back of her," Greg admits.

"Was her hair wavy or curly?" Riley questions.

"Wavy," Greg answers.

"Color?" Riley quizzes.

"Reddish. It was sort of dark. Kind of red, but kind of brown too."

"Are we considering this a serious possibility?" Nick questions.

"What do you mean?" Greg questions.

"Are we saying that we think that Catherine has a little girl?"

"Well Nick she has definitely been seen twice with the same little girl," Riley answers.

"And we think that it is her little girl," Greg adds.

"Really? You really think that Catherine has another kid?" he directs at Greg.

"Yes I do," Greg nods.

"Maybe someone left her a kid," Nick suggests.

"I doubt it. I mean who would leave a kid to her with the hours she works?" Greg questions.

"It just doesn't seem right. How old is the kid?" Nick wonders.

"About five," Greg hypothesizes.

"Wouldn't at least one of us have noticed if she was pregnant?"

"Nick you're the one who made such a big deal out of this," Greg points out.

"I know," he nods.

"So now you're backtracking?" Riley tries to clarify.

"I don't know, it just seems like something isn't right," he answers.

"Like what?" Greg asks.

"She was never pregnant. Never took time off to have a baby..." Nick explains.

"Maybe no one ever noticed." Riley suggests.

"Or maybe this is some crackpot theory Nick has come up with because he's paranoid," Greg adds.


	6. Accusations and interrogations

Puzzled, Nick gives Catherine a call. When she answers he can hear the radio in the background.

"Hey Nick what's up?" she asks as she turns the volume on the radio down.

"Greg and Riley and I were thinking about going out you wanna come?"

"Nick I really need to take a shower and..."

"Of course we're all going to head home shower, change clothes, and meet up in a little while."

"I've got to get home."

"What's the rush?"

"Nick really...can you hold on a second?"

"Yeah," he agrees.

He listens carefully to the background noise on the other end of the phone line. After a few seconds Catherine's voice begins talking to him again, "I'm almost home. Maybe another night," she answers.

"Yeah, ok," he agrees.

"Talk to you later," she tells him.

"Bye," he hangs up the phone.

By this point Riley has left CSI. Nick and Greg are standing outside the door of the building a few feet from the parking lot. Greg looks at Nick in anticipation, "Well?"

"Well what Greg?"

"Did you hear anything incriminating?"

"It sounded like she told someone to get their feet off the back of the seat."

"Sounded like?"

"Greg..."

"What do you suggest we do? I mean even if she does have another kid, it's quite obvious that she doesn't want us to know about it."

"But that's not something that is easy to hide, especially not for eighteen years," Nick points out.

"She doesn't have to hide it that long. Just until she has enough time to retire."

"She won't ever retire," Nick argues.

"If she doesn't want us to know... if it's true, and I'm not saying that it is, but if is then we should just drop it."

"What if something happened to her?"

"Nick nothing is going to happen to her."

"Greg she could get in a car accident and be killed tomorrow."

"So what's your plan?"

"I want you to do some snooping around."

"What kind of snooping around?"

"Just humor me."

"No, this is stupid. If you want to know have the balls to ask her," Greg suggests.

The following day he stands outside her office staring at the door. He just stares at the door not having enough courage to knock. This was all so stupid. What did it matter? He was probably just being paranoid, but the evidence, the little evidence that he had said otherwise. But if he didn't have enough evidence how could he have a clear picture? Why was he comparing this to a crime scene? This wasn't a crime scene, there was no crime involved. This was someone else's life. A life that he shouldn't be sticking his nose into.

The door swings open and nearly takes him out. He stands in front of an open door looking like an idiot. Catherine stops in the doorway and just looks at him. "Nick why are you standing outside my office?"

"Uh I...," he swallows and then finds enough words to answer, "I was just getting ready to come in. I was wondering about assignments, but I didn't want to bother you. I couldn't decide whether I should just wait, or if I should come in and ask."

"I'm heading to the break room right now."

"Good," he nods.

He follows her into the break room, and crawls into a chair next to Riley. All of the CSI's just stare at Catherine waiting with baited breath...for their assignments. They all hoped that she didn't notice their sudden interest in her life.

Catherine looks at the assignments in her hand, and then at her team. They all look up at her. She takes a deep breath, and lays the stack of papers in front of her on the table. She looks at Nick, and then to Greg and Riley, she glances at Ray, and finally lands on Nick.

"What's going on?" she asks.

"We're waiting for you to hand out assignments," Nick answers quickly.

"Not what I meant. What's going on with all of you?" she questions.

"What do you mean?" Greg gesticulates.

"You've all been acting...a little bit shady."

"Shady? Do you think that we're hiding something?" Riley asks.

"I don't know. I'd hope not," she answers.

"We're not hiding anything," Ray assures her.

"Then why are you all acting out of character?"

She gets no answer, instead her team only looks at her. No look would be the wrong word, her team scrutinizes her. She looks at Riley who quickly looks at Nick. Catherine sighs and against her better judgement asks, "Is there something going on that I should know about?"

"Like what?" Greg probes.

"Why are you all looking at me like you have something to ask?"

"Probably because we do," Nick answers.

"We, or you?" she asks aloud.

She doesn't give him the chance to answers. She hands out assignments and they all race out of the room. Nick is last. He's in the doorway when he hears her say his name, "Nick." He turns around and looks at her. "Yeah?" he questions.

"Come with me," she tells him.

He follows her into her office. She takes a seat behind the desk, "Shut the door," she requests. He shuts the door and takes a seat across from her.

"What's up?" he asks.

"I could ask you the same," she answers.

He stares at the desk and says nothing. "Nick is there something that you'd like to ask me, something that you'd like to say? If you have a problem with me I need you to share it with me so that I can work on fixing it."

"I don't have a problem with you," he tells her.

"You don't?" she asks suspiciously. "So then why were you standing in front of my office earlier?"

"It's stupid. I just had a stupid question, but now I realize how stupid it was and don't even think that it's worth asking."

"Why not?"

"It's not any of my business. It has nothing to do with work, so I'm not going to ask."

"What doesn't have anything to do with work? Nick if something is bothering you, and it's effecting your work then I need to know about it."

"We all have distractions, we just have to learn to work through them. That's what I'm trying to do right now," he admits.

"What's distracting you?"

"It's not important. I should go to the crime scene. I don't want Ray to screw anything up."

"Brass is with him, he'll be taking pictures for at least an hour before he needs you. Nick talk to me."

"I don't think that it's a good idea."

"Why not? I'm your supervisor. I'm the one you're supposed to talk to when you have a problem."

"I don't want to...I don't want to look like an idiot."

"Nick we've all made ourselves look like idiots at on time or another."

"I know that but... it's not..."

"Just spit it out," she tells him.

"Ok," he nods. He takes a moment to think and then begins, "Riley saw you at the grocery store the other day."

"Why is that important? I have to go to the grocery store."

"You didn't see her," he adds.

"I try to get in and out, I don't really pay much attention to who's around." Catherine thinks about to her last trip to the grocery store. It was pretty routine, get milk, bread, and lunch meat. In and out in ten minutes.

"Well she thought that she saw you."

"Ok and your point is what exactly? Why do I feel like I'm being interrogated for going to the grocery store?"

"She wasn't sure if it was you because she didn't get a very good look at you, and..." he stops and drops his gaze to the floor.

"And what Nick?"

"And she saw a kid with you," he adds.

"I have a kid," she answers.

"But it wasn't Lindsey."

"Maybe it wasn't me then," she points out as her heart sinks.

"And then Greg saw Lindsey bring a kid in, and you left with her," he tells her.

She stares at him as he keeps his eyes glued to the desk. "And you think what exactly?"

"I don't know what to think. I thought maybe you were babysitting, but with the schedule what we work no one in their right mind would babysit. So then I thought that maybe someone left you their kid to take care of, but who in their right mind would do that with the hours we work. And then I thought that I was just being paranoid, because that's something you talk about. Generally when you have a kid you don't fail to mention that, you don't hide it. And then I thought that if you did have a little girl that maybe there was a reason you never told us, but I can't think of a good enough reason to lie about having a kid. I can't come up with a good enough excuse for hiding the fact that you have a kid."

She doesn't say anything.

"I have to know is the little girl that Riley saw, the girl that Greg saw is she your daughter?"


	7. Answers

Catherine doesn't say anything to him. He looks at her and sees that her eyes are filled to the brim with tears that are threatening to escape. She pulls open a drawer, and retrieves her purse. She unzips the purse and pulls out a wallet. She opens her wallet and stares at it for a moment. She carefully pulls a picture out of her wallet. She lays it on the desk and turns it to face him. She slides it across the desk. He takes the picture. He studies it. He lays it back down on the desk face up. He points to the picture with his index finger and once again asks, "Is she your daughter?"

"Her name is Layla," Catherine answers.

"Is she your daughter?" he questions again maintaining his patience.

"She's five," Catherine adds struggling to fight back her tears.

"And she's your daughter?"

"Yes," she says softly.

"So why doesn't anyone know about her?"

"It's complicated."

"How complicated can it be?"

"Head over to the crime scene we can discuss this later," she tells him.

He nods and leaves her office. She collects herself and goes to meet Greg and Riley at their crime scene. The end of the day comes far too soon. Everyone has left except Nick and Catherine. He slips into her office as she's on her phone.

"I'll be home soon. I have something to take care of, and then I'll be home. Love you, bye," she hangs up the phone.

Once again Nick sits across from her in her office with the door closed. He stares at her in anticipation. He starts with the question that has been weighing on his mind all day. "Why is all of this such a big secret?"

"I didn't intend for it to be, but there was never a right time to bring it to light."

"You could have told someone."

"I should have told someone, but I didn't. I didn't do a lot of things that I should have. I did everything so completely wrong."

"People make mistakes," he reminds her.

"It's funny how one moment can completely change your entire life. It's easy to underestimate the impact someone so small will have on your life."

"You never looked pregnant. I mean I'm a guy, but that's normally not something that goes unnoticed for nine months by anyone."

"It's not something that should go unnoticed at all but it did. I didn't even notice."

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't know. I didn't have the slightest clue. I wasn't paying as much attention as I should. I should have known long before I did, but I didn't."

"So what made you realize that you were pregnant?"

"Nothing. I wasn't sick, I felt perfectly fine. I suppose eventually I would have realized how late I was, but with this schedule things like that can go unnoticed so easily. I had a doctor's appointment. It had been scheduled for six months. It was supposed to be a routine check up, and ended up being anything but. Doctors always ask questions, but he just kept asking one question after another. I couldn't figure out what was going on. He took a blood sample and told me to come back the next day. When I got home I went through my planner and I realized how late I was, and then I thought that he must have thought that I was going through Menopause, and that's why he asked me so many questions."

"But?"

Flashback~ Friday, May 23rd 2003:

_Catherine sits in the examine room waiting for the doctor to come in. Finally she hears a knock on the door, and the doctor comes into the room with her file. He watches her closely, and she begins to feel uneasy._

"_What's going on?" she asks him._

"_Can you lie back please?" he responds._

"_Sure but I still have my clothes on," she reminds him._

"_That's fine," he answers her._

"_Ok," she agrees and lies back. _

_He says nothing to her, and she doesn't pay attention to him rolling a machine over to her. He rolls up her shirt and squirts gel on her stomach. She lifts her head and sees that he has an ultrasound machine. "What are you doing?" she asks. Before she can finish the sentence the machine is on, and the probe is smearing gel all over her stomach. She's staring at the doctor's face when she hears a noise. He freezes the image on the screen. She moves her gaze from his face to the monitor. She squints at the picture on the screen. "What's going on?" she asks him._

_He points at the screen, "That's your baby," he answers her. _

"_Excuse me?" she raises an eyebrow._

"_Miss Willows you're pregnant."_

"_I don't think that..."_

"_That's why I had your blood drawn yesterday."_

"_I..."_

"_You didn't know?" he asks her._

"_No," she shakes her head in disbelief._

"_You're about fourteen weeks along," he adds._

"_Are you sure?"_

_He looks at her and sees that she's in shock. He unfreezes the image on the machine and moves his probe. A familiar noise fills the room, "I'm sure. That's your baby's heartbeat," he freezes the image on the screen again, "And that's your baby."_

"_Oh," is all she can manage to get out._

_He grabs a tissue and wipes the gel off her stomach. "Sit tight I'll be right back," he smiles. The longest five minutes of her life follow. Finally he returns with ultrasound pictures, and a prescription. _

"_Thank you," she tells him not sure whether to thank him or to shoot him._

"_You'll need to make an appointment to come back in a few weeks for an amniocentesis."_

"_Ok," she nods in agreement._

End of flashback.

"I bet that was a shock," Nick supposes.

"I went home and slept for fourteen hours after that. When I woke up I thought that it had all been a dream. I hoped that it was all a dream, but when I flipped on my light I found ultrasound pictures sitting on my night-stand."

"That's rough," he sympathizes.

"After I got over the shock I realized that I had to come up with a plan. Fourteen weeks is too late to do anything, at least for me. Not that it mattered, because I couldn't have gone through that anyway."

"How did Lindsey take it?"

"I didn't tell Lindsey until I was six months along."

"I just don't understand how you managed to hide being pregnant."

"I wasn't trying to hide it, I mean at first I was, but I didn't have to. I gained a total of twelve pounds. She weighed just over five."

"Was there something wrong with her?"

"The didn't ever figure it out if there was. She was full term, but she only weighed five pounds and three ounces."

"That's a bit on the small side isn't it?"

"Yeah, Lindsey came a week before her due date and weighed almost eight pounds."

"So after she was born and she was ok why didn't you say anything?"

"She spent two days in the NICU and..."

"How long did you take off?"

"I had three weeks off. Came back to work and then I took another three around Christmas."

"Aren't you supposed to take six weeks consecutively?"

"Yeah, but you can't request six weeks off for maternity leave when your supervisor doesn't know that you're pregnant."

"But she was ok?"

"She was fine, I wasn't, but she was perfect."

"But she's ok now?"

"She cries every time I come to work, but she's healthy."

"But you never said anything about her?"

"After she was born I didn't want to hold her, or look at her, or be near her. Thank God for Lindsey and my mother. Eventually I got over it, but I was so convinced that I'd never love her, or even like her."

"Post-pardom?"

"Yeah," she nods.

"She's five," he reminds her.

"After she was a few months old I was fine. When she was six months old I noticed that she was so quiet. Too quiet, babies are supposed to make noise, she didn't. After she was six months old she never cried, or babbled, or grunted, nothing. I was concerned so I took her to an audiologist. He said that her hearing was fine. I wasn't... I'm still not home enough. I just thought that Lindsey was talking for her, but she wasn't. She recognized colors, and people, and animals, but she wouldn't talk. She turned two and I started to get really concerned because she still didn't talk. I was off around Christmas and so I spent every minute with her. I thought that she'd start to talk, I mean she was developmentally on schedule for everything else. Then I went back to work. I got a call one day when I was eating lunch, and finally I got to hear her voice."


	8. First words

Flashback: Friday January 6th 2006:

_Catherine is eating a sandwich when her phone rings. She puts the sandwich down and flips her phone open._

"_Hello?" she answers._

"_Hey mom."_

"_What's Linds?"_

"_Something's wrong."_

"_What do you mean something is wrong?"_

"_Layla won't stop crying."_

"_What do you want me to do?"_

"_Will you just talk to her? Maybe you can calm her down."_

"_Ok, put her on," she tells her oldest daughter. She waits a few seconds and then hears muted sobs at the other end, "Sweetie stop crying. I'll be home in a few hours."_

"_Mommy come home. I miss you," a voice says through sobs._

"_Layla?"_

"_Mommy please come home."_

"_I'll be home very soon. I promise," she tells the little girl._

"_Mommy I want you to come home now."_

"_I can't. I love you."_

"_I love you too mommy."_

"_Bye."_

"_Bye mommy," the voice on the other end tells her through sniffles._

_Catherine hangs up and tosses her lunch, and heads back to work._

End of flashback.

"Most kids first word is 'ma-ma', or 'da-da'. My kid didn't talk for two years and her first sentence was, 'Mommy come home'."

"Speaking of which she's probably waiting on you."

"Yeah I better get going."

"Ok."

"Are we good?" Catherine asks.

"I think so."

"If there's anything else we can talk about it later," Catherine tells him.

"Ok," he agrees.

The instant that Catherine walks in the door she is attacked. Layla grabs her leg, and won't let go.

"Let go," Catherine instructs.

"No," she disagrees.

"If you let go I'll pick you up," Catherine promises.

"Ok," Layla lets go of Catherine's leg and stands up.

Catherine picks her up. She kisses her on the forehead and whispers, "I missed you."

"I missed you more," the girl informs her.

"How was your day?" Catherine asks dreading the answer.

Layla looks at her but doesn't answer.

"Layla?"

"Mommy?"

"Yes?" she smiles as she sits down on the couch with her daughter in her lap.

"I have a question," Layla tells her.

"About what?"

"Do I have a daddy?" she asks.

Catherine looks at her in shock, but no words find their way out of her mouth.

"I was just wondering," Layla smiles.

Catherine looks down at the little girl on her lap staring up at her, waiting for an answer. She brushes stray hairs out of her daughter's face. She kisses her forehead and then formulates her answer, "Layla everyone has a daddy."

"So I do have a daddy?"

"Yes," she answers.

"Why haven't I met him before?"

"Layla I don't think that you're old enough to talk about this."

"I am," Layla argues.

"Layla you're not old enough," Catherine tells her.

"Why not?"

"It's complicated, and I don't think that you're old enough to understand," Catherine replies.

"Please just tell me," Layla begs.

"Where did you come up with such a grown up question?"

"Everyone has a daddy but me," Layla answers.

"Layla you have a daddy."

"Where is he?"

"Layla people are supposed to be in love, they're supposed to be committed to each other when they have babies."

"They're supposed to be married?" Layla questions.

"Or something close," Catherine answers.

"You're not married," Layla points out.

"No I'm not. I wasn't married to your daddy. Sometimes people love each other, but they aren't together."

"Mommy I don't understand."

"When mommies and daddies aren't together when they have a baby things get really complicated. Sometimes things don't work out, and mommies have to protect their babies."

"Why?"

"Because sometimes mommies pick the wrong people to have a baby with. Layla I didn't know that I was going to have you when I was with your daddy," Catherine tries to fight off tears.

"Mommy I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you sad."

"Layla you didn't make me sad. You never make me sad. Layla your daddy wasn't ready to be someone's daddy when you were born."

"Why not?"

"Because boys take longer to grow up."

"Oh," she sighs.

"Layla you were a really big surprise," Catherine admits.

"A bad surprise?"

"No, a very good one. I promise we'll talk about this more when you're older."

"So I have a daddy?"

"Yes," she nods.

"Ok," Layla smiles.

Catherine sighs in relief. She only gets a moment of relief before her little girl asks another question, "Mommy?"

"Huh?"

"Do you love me?"

"Of course I love you. Why would you ask something like that?"

"You never want to stay here with me. You always go to work."

"I love you, I wouldn't go to work if I didn't have to. I always want to stay here with you, if I had a choice I'd never ever leave you."

"But mommy I don't want you to go to work."

"You know how you have to go to school, even though sometimes you don't want to?"

"No," she shakes her head, "I like school."

"You won't always like school. You'll have days that you don't want to go, but you have to. If I had the choice I'd never ever leave you."

Layla hugs Catherine. She lays her head against her chest, and Catherine holds her tightly. Catherine rubs circles on her back. With her head plastered against Catherine's chest she asks, "Why are your eyes blue?"

"That's just what color they are. Why?"

"Mine are green."

"I know," Catherine answers, "And they're beautiful."

"But mommy my hair is darker than yours."

"And Lindsey's is lighter."

"Why don't I look like you."

"You've got my nose, and my chin."

"But I don't look like you."

"But you're beautiful."

"I am?"

"Of course you are," Catherine answers.

A loud voice from upstairs interrupts the mother daughter bonding. "Layla Brielle Willows!"

"Uh oh, what did you do?" Catherine asks.

"I don't know," Layla shrugs.

"Layla what did you do?" Catherine asks again.

"I hid her phone."

"Why?"

"All she does is talk to Ryan and she ignores me."

Lindsey bounds down the stairs. "Where is my phone?" she asks Layla.

"I don't remember,"Layla answers.

"Mom!"

"Lindsey forget about it. Go pop some popcorn. I'll put in a movie, and..."

"Mom that's lame," Lindsey tells her.

"What would you rather be doing?"

"Going to the movies with Ryan."

"But you can't because you don't have your phone, so you're out of luck."

"Mom. Make her give it back."

"I happen to agree with her. You can have it back after the movie."

"Fine," Lindsey rolls her eyes.

Halfway through the movie, about fifteen after nine both Lindsey and Layla are asleep. Catherine sits in the middle of the couch. Layla is curled up on a cushion next to her, and Lindsey has her feet dangling over the end of the couch, and her head in Catherine's lap. She sits on the couch staring at her two beautiful daughters.


	9. Unanswered questions

When Catherine wakes up she's in her bed, and the sun is peaking through the curtains. She closes her eyes and realizes that there are warm bodies on both sides of her. She opens her eyes and looks to her right and finds Layla curled up next to her side. She looks to the left and finds Lindsey laying with her back facing her. She slips out of bed and grabs her camera. She snaps a quick picture and then goes to her closet for fresh clothes. She heads to the shower.

She's at the park having a picnic with Layla when the phone rings. Layla looks at her frantically.

"Mommy don't answer it," she begs.

"I have to," Catherine replies.

She flips open the phone and reluctantly says, "Hello?"

"Hey mom is it ok if I stay at Julie's tonight?"

She sighs in relief and responds, "Yeah that's fine."

"See you later."

"Bye," Catherine hangs up.

"Are you leaving?" Layla asks.

"Nope I'm not leaving. I'm staying right here with you."

"Good."

"Do you want to go play?"

"No. I want to stay here with you."

"Do you want me to push you on the swing?"

"Ok," she agrees.

Catherine pushes the little girl to get started. She steps back and watches as she pumps her tiny tan legs. Her white sandals, pink dress, and big green eyes make it impossible not to smile. Catherine snaps a picture. She becomes entranced in the little girls impossibly green eyes. She tries her hardest to keep her mind from going there, but it's impossible. She starts to think about him.

"Mommy?"

"Yes Layla?" she snaps out of it.

"Can I have an ice cream?"

"You just ate lunch."

"I don't even want an ice cream."

"Then why..."

"I want a shark popsicle," answers the unfinished question.

"Layla..."

"Mommy it's only a dollar seventy five."

"Really," Catherine stops the swing, "I'll tell you what. If you can get the exact change then you can have it."

"Ok," Layla agrees.

Layla goes through her wallet. She looks up at Catherine with confusion.

"Do you need help?" Catherine asks.

"I can't get exact change."

"Why not?"

"I found a dollar, but you only have a quarter, two nickles, a dime, and three pennies. That's only a dollar forty eight. I need twenty seven more cents. A quarter and two pennies, or two dimes a nickle and two pennies, or five dimes and two pennies, or twenty seven pennies."

"Is there another dollar bill in my purse?"

"No, but there's a five. So you'd get three dollars and twenty five cents back."

"What if I want a popsicle too?"

"Then it would be three fifty, and you'd get a dollar fifty back."

"Come on," she grabs her stuff, and then Layla's hand.

They walk over to the ice cream cart. Catherine hands Layla the money. "Can I get a shark popsicle?" Catherine asks.

"Dollar seventy five," he tells her.

Layla hands him the money. He hands her a popsicle and the change. Catherine grabs a napkin.

"Would you like me to open that for you?"

"Yes please," Layla answers.

"Here's you're money mommy."

"Hold on to it for a second," Catherine opens the popsicle and hands it back.

Layla takes it and holds out her hand to Catherine, in attempt to give the money back. "Why don't you keep it?"

"What do you want me to do with it?"

"Would you like to go to the arcade?"

"Ok," Layla agrees with a smile across her face.

The following morning just after three Catherine gets called out. She's at the lab waiting for the coffee to finish brewing. Nick joins her.

"Tired?" he asks.

"Uh huh," she yawns.

"Did you have a nice day off?"

"Yeah."

"What'd you do?"

"Spent some time out in the sunlight."

"Sounds nice," he tells her.

"It was."

"Can I ask you something?"

"What?" she raises an eyebrow.

He hands her a coffee cup. "Who does she belong to?" he asks.

"Me," she answers trying to avoid the direction in which Nick is headed with his question.

"And who else?"

"It's not important," she tells him.

"It's not important because he isn't around anymore, or it isn't important because he's uninterested, or because you don't know."

"I know," she answers.

"But?"

She pours some coffee into her cup and replaces the pot. She takes a sip of the coffee and leaves the room. He calls after her, "Catherine?"

She spins around and looks him in the eyes she smiles and answers, "It's not important because she doesn't need anyone but me," and then walks away.

And that was the truth. She was both parents. She didn't have a choice in the matter. She loved both of her daughters, no matter who their fathers were. How could she not love them? Sure things didn't work out with of either of their fathers, but she wouldn't give them up. Without them she'd be... she didn't ever care to think about it, even though she could guess. She knew that she wouldn't be a CSI. She'd probably be six feet under, or very close.

And one day when her daughter was old enough to understand she would explain. Layla would understand that no matter how much you want something, sometimes things just don't work out. Some things are meant to be, and some aren't. Some things can't be planned. There are road blocks, and you have to figure out how to move forward. You have to be resilient. Dust yourself and get up again.

"Nick?"

"Yeah Greggo?"

"So did you ask Catherine?"

"Maybe," he answers.

"Did you or not?" Riley probes.

"I did," he answers.

"And? Greg smiles.

"You want to know, you ask her yourself," Nick responds.

"How did it go?" Greg questions.

"How the hell do you think it went?"

"Better than I thought, your head is still attached to your body," Greg answers.

"Tell us," Riley begs.

"No ask her for yourself," he suggests.

"Did she shut you down?" Greg suspects.

"No," he shakes his head.

"I don't want to ask her, just tell me," Greg begs.

"I'm not going to tell you. It doesn't matter if you ask her or not she won't tell you."

"Did she tell you?" Riley asks in curiosity.

"You'll never know," he answers.

"Assuming that she does have a kid, because we all know that she does," Greg begins, "who does it belong to?"

Nick says nothing at all.

"She wouldn't tell anyone that," Riley points out.

"You're right Riley, she wouldn't."

"Why does it matter?" Riley asks.

"We all have an idea who it is. Don't we?" Greg smirks.

"Greg who do you think that it is?" Nick scowls.

"I'd bet you ten bucks that she's Warrick's."

"Dude why would you think that? Why would you think that Catherine was ever with him? I don't think that she ever was," Nick asks.

"Obviously you were never in the same room with the two of them," Greg replies.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"As much as I'd like to see how this turns out I should probably get back to work," Riley ducks out.

"How could you not see it?"

"See what Greg?"

"The look in their eyes when they were in close proximity."

"What look?"

"The one where they were imagining what it would be like."

"Greg just because you lust after Catherine, and are a pervert doesn't mean that everyone else is the same."

"He wanted to jump her, the feeling was mutual I assure you."

"How would you know?"

"I just do."

"You don't know anything," Nick walks away.


	10. Crash 'N' Burn

_February 17th 2003: It's early afternoon and she's still exhausted from the few days before. She's laying on her couch half asleep when the bell rings. She sighs in disgust at the way she knows she must look. She answers the door, and finds a tall, handsome man on the other side, holding a take out bag._

"_Thought you might be hungry," he smiles at her._

"_Not really," she admits._

"_How are you holding up?"_

"_I'm ok I guess."_

"_Rough night?"_

"_The roughest," she answers._

"_Can I come in?"_

"_Of course," she welcomes him in._

"_Where do you want this?" he questions._

"_Just sit it on the counter in the kitchen."_

"_Ok," he agrees._

_When he returns to the living room she's still standing in the same spot._

"_Where's Lindsey?" he asks her._

"_She insisted on going to school."_

_"You know I'm always here for you. No matter what."_

_"Thanks, I needed to hear that."_

_"You're not alone," he reminds her._

_"I know," she sighs making the realization._

_"You're never alone. I'll always be here for you."_

_"Thanks," she brushes a stray hair out of her face._

_He smiles at her._

"_What are you smiling at?" she asks defensively._

"_You," he answers softly._

"_Me? Why?"_

_He chuckles._

"_What's so funny?"_

"_Nothing."_

"_Really? It didn't sound like nothing."_

"_It's just that you're beautiful," he answers._

"_Thank you?"_

"_You are, even looking like that you're still beautiful."_

_She stands there looking at him wearing a pair of grey sweat pants, a_ _grey t-shirt, no make-up and barely brushed hair. She smiles at him and tells him, "You're sweet, but you don't have to lie to me to try to cheer me up. I do appreciate it though."_

"_I'm not lying. You are beautiful."_

"_How could you possibly think that?"_

"_You always look beautiful Catherine."_

"_I think you need to have your eyes checked."_

"_No I see just fine. I see you perfectly fine. You're quite a catch you know?"_

"_Are you saying that I'm easy?" she asks._

"_No that's not what I'm saying. Why would I think that?"_

"_I don't know. I think that a lot of people feel that way though."_

"_I don't. If you were easy we would have had sex the first time I met you."_

_She nearly chokes to death._

"_I'm just saying. I mean I thought that you were hot, smokin' in fact."_

"_So that's why you acted so awkward the first time I met you?"_

"_Yes. I've always felt drawn to you. I've always wondered how we'd be together. Don't tell me that you haven't thought about it."_

"_You wondered how we'd be together in bed?"_

"_No. I wondered what it would be like to be with you. To be more than colleagues."_

"_But with benefits?"_

"_Not just with benefits, be in an actual relationship."_

"_Oh I see. You know that could never happen right? We work together."_

"_I'm sorry. I just thought that you might feel the same way."_

"_You're very charming, and good looking but..."_

"_But what? What's holding you back?"_

_She looks at him. She stares at her face three inches from her own. Her will power is no match for his beautiful eyes. His hand cups her face and he pulls her in. She tries to resist but is far too weak. Their lips lock and she melts. _

_Before she knows it chemicals have overtaken the situation. She pushes his jacket to the ground. Then she stops. She pushes him away._

"_Don't..." he warns._

"_Not..."_

"_Please don't stop here. I can't take it I'll explode. I've wanted this for too long," he admits._

"_I'm not stopping."_

"_So what?"_

"_Not down here," she tells him._

"_Ok," he agrees. He sweeps her off her feet and runs up the stairs to her room. He gently places her on the bed and kicks out of his shoes. _

She let herself be weak once. One time, and that was all it took. His charming smile, and irresistible eyes, they did her in. They didn't talk about it. She didn't want to push it too far. She didn't want to railroad her career for this. She knew that there would never be anything but sex between the two of them. So she did her best to keep her distance. Not be drawn in by his smile, turned on by his eyes, and entranced by his smell. He was irresistible, she couldn't have resisted him no matter what she tried, no matter how hard she tried, or how much she wanted to.

_June 24__th__ 2003: She's at a crime scene with Warrick when her phone rings. She recognizes the number immediately. _

"_I've got to take this," she tells him._

_He nods and she leaves the house. She steps outside as far away from the house, and anyone that she can possibly get. _

"_Hello?" she answers._

"_Miss Willows this is Doctor Shelton. I'm calling with the results of your amniocentesis."_

"_Should I be sitting down for this?"_

"_No. Everything looks fine. You're in the clear. You're baby looks very healthy."_

"_Good," she sighs in relief._

"_Would you like to know?"_

"_Know what?"_

"_The sex?" He asks her._

"_Um... I hadn't really thought about it."_

"_You can get back with me if you decide you'd like to know."_

"_You can tell me. I don't have any reason to keep it a surprise."_

"_Are you sure?"_

"_Absolutely," she answers truthfully._

"_Congratulations, it's a girl."_

"_Thank you."_

"_Good bye Miss Willows."_

_Catherine hangs up. She slips the phone into her pocket, "Thank God it's not a boy," she says under her breath._

A beautiful little girl who later became Layla Brielle Willows. A little girl who was needy, and funny, and smart. A little girl who she couldn't live without. A little girl with big green eyes. Green eyes that her mother had so much difficulty saying no to. Such a precious little girl.

_June 24__th__ 2003: Catherine returns to the house and continues processing. _

"_You ok?"_

"_Why wouldn't I be?" she asks him._

"_I don't know you just seem on edge."_

"_I'm fine," she assures him._

"_Cath are you sure?"_

"_Yes, why Warrick?" she answers snippily._

"_You seem really tired and irritable," he points out._

"_I'm exhausted, I haven't been getting much sleep. The lack of sleep probably makes me a little irritable," she admits._

"_Ok," he nods._

_She bends down to look at the floorboard for any trace of blood. _

"_Cath?"_

"_Yes Warrick?"_

"_Are we ok?"_

"_Why wouldn't we be?"_

"_I don't know. You just seem like you're avoiding me lately."_

"_I'm not," she answers quickly and vehemently._

"_Did I do something to make you made?"_

"_No you didn't do anything."_

"_Then why are you acting like I did?"_

"_Warrick stop badgering me I don't want to talk about it. I'm exhausted. Can we just get this done so that I can go home?"_

"_Yeah of course," he nods._

Of course she couldn't tell him the truth. She couldn't simply shout, 'No I'm not fine. I'm not fine. I'm pregnant, you idiot.' That wouldn't go over too well. She wasn't going to tell him. He didn't have to know. It was better if he didn't. It was better if no one found out. She didn't feel the need to broadcast that she had a mid-day romp with a co-worker and ended up pregnant with his baby. That wasn't necessary. It wasn't necessary for anyone to know, until... unless anything happened to her. It was her business and hers alone.

She hadn't totally lied to him. She was exhausted, she hadn't been sleeping. Of course he didn't need to know that she wasn't sleeping because all she could think about was how she was supposed to with her hours, and at her age, take care of a baby. Or the sleepless nights caused by wondering how she could possibly love another child as much as the daughter she already had. Or the sleepless night that ensued because she worried about who would watch the baby when she was at work. At least she was done worrying if she was going to have a boy or a girl. She wasn't sure exactly why it mattered, but it did somehow.

Keeping it hidden had been easier said than done, of course. Especially after being up all night with a newborn. A newborn who wanted nothing more than to be held and fed and changed all the time, no matter what time of the day, or night. A baby who for the first few months of her existence she had resented, and didn't want to look at or hold. But of course that was unacceptable, especially as a single parent. It was even more unacceptable as a mother.


	11. Little moments

It's late when she gets home, not really late, but rather very early in the morning. She takes a four minute shower and climbs into bed. When she wakes up it's just a few minutes after sunrise. She finds a warm body curled up to her. She opens her eyes and the sun burns them. After the initial shock she is greeted by big green eyes.

"Layla I'm really tired."

"That's ok mommy. I'll go back to my room," she says forlornly as she crawls to the edge of the bed.

"Layla wait," Catherine yawns.

Layla stops at the foot of the bed. "I gave you a kiss when you were sleeping."

"Layla you can come back up here if you go to sleep."

"Ok," the little girl smiles and begins the journey to the head of the bed. She stops when she reaches Catherine's side. She curls up against her chest. Catherine kisses her and pets her soft hair. Layla yawns, "I love you mommy."

"I love you more," she whispers.

Before she drifts back to sleep she thinks about those first few months with Layla.

Flashback November 21st 2003: _Lindsey finally persuades her to hold the tiny nameless baby girl. Catherine stares at the foot of the hospital bed as Lindsey approaches. Seconds later a tiny bundle is in her arms. Catherine takes one look at her and then looks away. She looks at Lindsey._

"_Mom what's her name?"_

"_She doesn't have one, Lindsey."_

"_You have to name her," Lindsey points out._

"_Why don't you take her?" Catherine asks._

_Lindsey willingly takes the infant out of her arms. Lindsey lights up as she smiles at her baby sister. "She's so cute," Lindsey informs Catherine. Catherine doesn't respond._

"_Mom did you hear me?"_

"_Lindsey why don't you name her?" Catherine answers._

"_She's your baby," Lindsey points out. _

"_But I don't have a name picked out. You can call her whatever you'd like. You could name her spot for all I care."_

"_Layla Brielle. It's a pretty name don't you think? A pretty name for a pretty little girl."_

"_Where did you come up with that?"_

"_The name book I bought you. Didn't you read it?"_

"_No, I didn't read it."_

"_So is that ok?"_

"_Yeah Linds, it's fine."_

Catherine couldn't have picked a better name herself. She could imagine her little girl being anyone but Layla Brielle Willows. Lindsey had been right it was a pretty name, for a very pretty little girl. But she couldn't see it at first, she couldn't see a pretty little girl. But one day she did.

Flashback: March 22nd, 2004: _Catherine has the week off to spend with Lindsey on her spring break_. _It's seven thirty and Catherine has been home for five hours and asleep for four hours and forty five minutes. She is rudely awakened by a crying infant. She opens her eyes and sees Layla's bassinet next to her bed. She walks past the baby, and across the hall. She knocks on the door, and gets no reply. _

"_Lindsey!"_

"_What?" she responds from the downstairs._

"_The baby is crying," Catherine hollers._

"_She's your baby. I take care of her all the time."_

"_Lindsey I've only been home since two thirty."_

"_That's more sleep than I got."_

"_Lindsey please!"_

"_Mom I'm going to grandma's. You need to take care of her, she's your baby."_

"_Lindsey!"_

_The front door slams, and the baby cries louder. Catherine returns to her room and stands over the bassinet. She lifts the baby out, and begins to pat her. "Shh!" she whispers as she heads down the stairs to the kitchen. She mindlessly gets a bottle ready and moves toward the microwave. She finds a post-it note on the front of the microwave from Lindsey telling her to use the bottle warmer instead. Finally Catherine gets the bottle warm enough. She moves the baby from her shoulder into her arms. The instant she gives the bottle to the little girl she stops crying. She begins sucking on the bottle and stares up at Catherine with big green eyes. The baby finishes her bottle and is burped. Catherine holds her and finds herself entranced in the little girl's big eyes. "Hi Layla," she says. Layla gives her a big gummy smiles. Catherine studies the baby and then she sees it too. She stares at the beautiful little girl for a long time. She smells the top of her head and plants a kiss on her. The infant's lids flicker and her mouth relaxes. _

_In that moment everything changes. Catherine climbs the stairs and wanders into the nursery. She flips on the light and takes a seat in a rocking chair. She looks at the room, and at her sleeping daughter as she rocks. The baby sucks on a pacifier as she sleeps. Catherine caresses her chubby cheeks, and smiles. What a beautiful baby. Finally she was really seeing her little girl for the first time. Her beautiful sleeping daughter. Finally she had fallen in love with her daughter. It wasn't anything like it had been with Lindsey. She had never doubted her love for Lindsey. With Layla every time she looked at her she wondered if she loved her. But now there was absolutely no doubt._

As she falls asleep she listens to Layla breath. Within minutes they're both asleep. When Catherine wakes up Layla is still sleeping. She just watches her. She brushes hair out of her face and plants a kiss on her warm cheek. "Layla, baby, wake up." Layla rolls over and looks at her. She smiles and stare at her mother with sweet green eyes.

"Mommy I'm hungry."

"Of course you are."

"I'm starving."

"Why don't we get dressed first?"

"Ok," Layla agrees crawling out of bed.

Catherine throws on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. She pulls her hair into a pony tail and the walks down the hall to Layla's room. She finds her daughter standing in her closet.

"Layla what do you want to wear?"

"I want to wear the purple dress."

"Which one?"

"The one with butterflies on it."

"You wear that dress everyday."

"No I don't," she argues.

"Please pick something else."

"Can I wear my sunflower dress?"

"You don't have a sunflower dress."

"Yes I do. It's that yellow one up there."

"It doesn't have sunflowers on it."

"No, but it's the color of a sunflower."

"Ok," Catherine pulls the dress from it's hanger and hands it to Layla.

After getting dressed Catherine looks for a hairbrush.

"Mommy what are you doing?"

"Looking for your hairbrush, have you seen it?"

"No," she shakes her head mischievously.

Catherine crawls on the floor and lifts up the skirt of Layla's bed. She tosses out a few socks, and then crawls out from under the bed with a hairbrush.

"How did that get there?" Layla asks.

"I don't know, but I've got a few ideas."

"Do you have to brush my hair?"

"Yes, come here please," Catherine sits down on the bed.

Layla takes a seat on her lap. Catherine meticulously brushes her hair, and then pulls it into two pig tails.

"Can we eat now?" Layla wonders aloud.

"What do you want?"

"Cookies."

"You can't have cookies for breakfast," Catherine argues as they reach the top of the stairs.

"Mommy carry me. My legs are tired."

"You're five how could your legs possibly be tired?"

"I don't know. Maybe I'm not really five. Please just carry me," she begs.

Catherine takes one look at her green eyes and picks her up. "Layla are you eating rocks again?" she asks as she walks down the stairs.

"No, can I have cookies or not?"

Catherine reaches the kitchen and sits Layla on the counter. She looks at the little girl. One day she'd be... she wouldn't be little forever.

"Fine just this once," Catherine agrees.

"Thank you mommy," she smiles.

"But you have to help."

"Ok. I know how to make cookies. First you have to pre-heat the oven at three-fifty and then..." Catherine cuts the little girl off.

"How do you know how to make cookies?"

"Lindsey and Grandma make them for me all the time."  
Catherine just shakes her head and smiles at the sweet little girl.


	12. Cookies and Wallets

Catherine has just put the chocolate chip cookies into the oven when her phone rings. Layla grabs it off the receiver and races back to the kitchen handing it off to Catherine.

"Hello?" she answers.

"Catherine have you seen my wallet?"

"No Nick why?"

"I couldn't find it. I thought I might have forgotten it in your car."

"I'll go look, can you hold on a second?"

"Yeah," he agrees.

Catherine lays the phone on the counter and goes to the garage. She opens the passenger's side door and finds a wallet laying on the floor. She grabs it and returns to the kitchen. She picks up the phone and continues talking, "I found it."

"Good..."

She cuts him off, "Can you hold on a second?"

"Sure," he agrees.

She looks at Layla who is sitting in the living room singing at the top of her lungs.

"Layla I'm on the phone."

"Sorry," she answers.

Catherine returns to Nick, "Sorry," she apologizes to him.

"It's ok. Was that her?"

"Who?"

"Layla?"

"Yes."

"What was she singing?"

"Twinkle, twinkle, little star."

"She sounds like a little star."

"I'll bring your wallet to you when I come in later."

"I need it. I've got to get gas, and go to the store."

"Ok..."

"Can I stop by and pick it up?"

"Yeah I guess."

"I'll see you in a few."

"Ok, bye Nicky," she hangs up.

Layla and Catherine are in the kitchen when the doorbell rings. Catherine pushes out her chair and goes to the door. She opens it and finds Nick.

"Come in," she waves him in.

He steps in and closes the door behind him. He stays on the tiled area by the door. Catherine heads to the kitchen and grabs his wallet. He's exactly where she left him when she returns. She hands him the wallet.

"Here you go," she smiles.

Nick doesn't say anything to her. His glance shifts and a smile crawls on to his face. Catherine turns around and sees what he's looking at. Layla stands behind Catherine with a chocolate smear on her face. Catherine bends down and wipes the chocolate off her face. Layla whispers something in her ear. Catherine smiles and picks her up. She turns around to face Nick.

"This is Nick," Catherine answers her.

Layla hides in Catherine's shoulder.

"Hi Layla," Nick waves.

"Layla it's ok."

"Mommy put me down," she demands.

Catherine sits her on the floor. She walks over to Nick and smiles, "Hi. I'm Layla," she tells him.

"I'm Nick," he shakes her waiting hand.

"Nice to meet you," she tells him.

He bends down to her level. "It's nice to meet you too."

"Do you work with mommy?"

"Yes," he nods.

"Do you have a gun? Mommy has a gun."

"Yes," he answers her.

"Would you like a cookie?" she asks him.

"No thank you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes ma'am. I heard you singing earlier. You have a very pretty voice," he compliments her.

"Thank you," she smiles, and her dimples show.

"You're welcome."

She looks up at Catherine, "Mommy can I have another cookie?"

"Yes you may have one more."

"Kay," she scampers off.

"So that's her?"

"Yes that's her," Catherine answers.

"She's beautiful."

"I know. I'm going to be in real trouble when she's a teenager."

"Boys will be knocking down your door."

"She already has a boyfriend."

"Really?"

"Yes she met him at pre-school. His name is Austin, wait no, that was in the winter. His name is Jack, I think."

"You think?"

"Layla," Catherine hollers, "what is your boyfriend's name?"

"Which one?" she yells back.

Nick and Catherine both start to laugh. "She's five and she has a boyfriend...she has boyfriends?" he chuckles.

"I guess," Catherine answers.

"I'd better get going. I've got errands to run before work."

"Ok, I'll see you at work."

"Wait Cath..."

"Yes Nick?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, shoot."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why is she such a secret?"

"It's complicated."

"I know that, but do you really expect to be able to keep her a secret forever?"

"I don't know," Catherine shrugs.

"I'm not going to tell anyone, but eventually someone will find out."

"I'll deal with it then."

"Catherine it's not that big of a deal?"

"So you're suggesting that tomorrow I go in and announce to everyone that I have a five year old daughter who I haven't mentioned to anyone?"

"No, but..."

"But what?"

"Keeping things from people makes them questions your motives."

"They can do that all they want. Are you questioning my motives?"

"I guess that I am."

"I'm just trying to protect her?"

"From what? You can't protect her from the whole world Catherine."

"Believe me I know that."

"So what?"

"I don't want to make the same mistakes with her that I did with Lindsey."

"I can understand that, and I respect that but I don't think that's your reasoning."

"So what do you think that my reasoning is?"

"There was someone in particular that you didn't want to find out."

"Like who? It's not like Grissom would have even batted an eye."

"I didn't say that he would."

"So what _are_ you saying?"

"You couldn't tell any of us because then all of us would know. And not all of us could know, because the one person who you didn't want to know was in that group."

"Nick please just drop it. She's in the other room, she can hear you."

"Fine, but you better do a better job of explaining it to her."


	13. Gone

Catherine gets called out to a scene at ten. She meets Nick and begins processing. Two and a half hours later she gets a call from Brass.

"Hey Jim what's up?"

"I need you to meet me."

"Meet you where? I just saw you thirty minutes ago."

"I know, but you should get over here."

"Over where?"

"23 East Winston Street."

"23 East Winston Street? Why do I know that address?"

"It's your mother's house."

"Is she ok?"

"She's fine, just a little shaken up."

"What happened?"

"She heard someone in the house. She pushed the panic button on her security system. A minute and a half later the neighbor called in saying someone dressed in black had just came from your mother's house and sped away in a black sedan."

"I'll be there in ten," she tells him.

She hangs up and leaves the scene. She makes it to her mother's house in eight minutes and forty five seconds, a drive that would take anyone obeying the speed limit at least fifteen, but closer to twenty.

She finds two police cars sitting in the driveway. She parks on the curb and races out of her car. She finds her mother talking to a couple of uniforms. She immediately finds Jim.

"What happened?"

"She said she thought that she heard boots, and then she heard a door open. We found the door wide open."

"Where's my daughter?"

"Lindsey's asleep on the couch."

"Kid could sleep through anything."

"We cleared the premises, there's no one in the house."

"Mind if I take a look around?"

"Be my guest," he tells her, "Sara's on her way."

She nods and walks past Jim. She stops at the couch and finds Lindsey snoring, with one hand touching the ground. Before heading to the stairs she pulls on a pair of gloves. She walks up the stairs to where the bedrooms, main bathroom, and the sitting room are located. When she stops at the top of the stairs she sees the light in the sitting room on, and the door leading out to the patio from the room wide open. She moves down the hallway past the bathroom, her mother's bedroom to the guest bedroom. She quietly walks into the room. She doesn't flip on the lights. She heads toward the window where a day bed is located. She sighs in relief when she sees a lump covered by a blanket. She slowly walks across the room to the bed. She stops, and bends down. She carefully peels back the covers where her daughter's head should be, and finds pillows. She quickly steps away from the bed and moves to the closet. She pulls open the door to the tiny closet and finds clothes, and two boxes on the floor. She shines her flashlight into the closet. She returns to the bed and bends down. She lifts up the bed skirt and finds the trundle underneath, but no five year old girl. She runs from the room, down the stairs and stops when she gets to her mother.

"Where is my daughter?"

Jim overhears her, and walks over, "Catherine Lindsey is asleep on the couch," he reminds her.

"Jim can you give us a minute alone please?"

"Sure," he nods.

Catherine and her mother step outside. Just out of anyone's earshot. Catherine asks in a low voice.

"Mom where is my daughter?"

"She's asleep."

"No she's not."

"Yes I checked in on her before the police got here. She's asleep in the guest room."

"Did you actually see her face?"

"No she was covered up."

"Mom she's not there."

"Maybe she went to my room."

Catherine rushes past her mother, and everyone else downstairs. She frantically races up the stairs and goes into her mother's room. She finds the bed neatly made. She looks under the bed and in the closet, she finds no one. She looks in the master bath, and then leaves her mother's room. She checks the sitting room, and the second bathroom, no one.

She rushes back down the stairs and stops in front of Jim.

"Where's the fire?" he asks her.

"You cleared the premises right?"

"Yeah why?"

"So there is absolutely no one else in this house?"

"There are two officers outside, two in here, me, you, your mother, and Lindsey, that's it," he tells her.

"This can't be happening," she runs her hands through her hair.

"Do you want to tell me what's going on?"

"I can't find her, she isn't here," Catherine answers.

"Who?"

"My daughter."

"For the third time Lindsey is on the couch."

"I know where Lindsey is. I saw her."

"I don't understand."

"Where is my _little_ girl?"

"Your little girl?" he asks her in confusion.

"Yes," she answers him.

"What little girl?"

"Jim I don't have time to explain. You've got to find her."

"You're telling me you've got another kid?"

"Yes," she answers, leaving the room.

She walks into the kitchen and pulls a picture off the refrigerator. She returns to Jim and hands him the picture. "This is Layla, she's five and a half."

"Catherine this is your daughter?"

"Yes Jim. We don't have time for you to give me the fifth degree. We've got to find her."

"Ok. Do you think that it's possible that her father took her?"

"No. It's not."

"But..."

"He didn't take her."

"You're sure?"

"Yes."

"We'll find her. I'm going to go make a few phone calls, ok?"

"Ok," she agrees.

"Catherine I promise we'll find her."

"I know that you will, but..."

"Cath, don't go there. She'll be ok," he reassures her.

She doesn't say anything.

"Why don't you go make a pot of coffee? It's going to be a long night."

"Ok," she nods.

Nick arrives ten minutes later. Catherine greets him at the door.

"What are you doing here?" she asks him.

"This is priority. Ray and Sara can handle the 419 we were at earlier."

"And Greg?"

"Greg is in the lab. I told him that he had to be lab rat because he's the best we've got."

Two hours later and there is no word from the kidnapper, and Catherine has lost all composure. She sits in the living room crying as Jim watches her. Nick is dusting for prints and doing the perimeter.

"Jim I can't just sit here while Nick does everything. We need more hands."

"You're not doing it."

"Jim..."

"No," he answers.

"Then call someone. Call Ecklie if you have to."

"You hate Ecklie," he reminds her.

"But..."

"Catherine I already called in someone. He'll be here any minute."

Before Catherine can say anything else she hears a car pull up outside. An engine dies, and a door shuts. Footsteps come toward her. A silver haired man enters the house.

"Gil," she says quietly.


	14. Trying Times

"Show me the way," he tells Catherine.

She nods and pulls herself together long enough to lead him up the stairs the her mother's guest bedroom. He begins processing and she stands in the doorway.

"Cath are you ok?"

She doesn't answer him. He turns around to look at her. "We'll find her," he promises.

"I thought that you were in..." she begins.

"I just finished a seminar in Phoenix."

"Oh."

"I got the call from Brass and jumped on the first flight here."

"Thanks," she tells him.

"Do you have any thoughts on who might have taken Layla?"

She looks at him surprised that he actually knows her daughter's name. "No," she answers.

"We'll figure it out."

"This is my fault."

"How could this be your fault?"

"I'm being punished."

"For what?"

"For keeping her from everyone."

"No you're not."

"Gil... I've spent the past five and a half years trying to protect her. I thought that if I didn't tell anyone that no one could take her from me, but obviously I'm only hurting her."

"No you're not."

"Are you going to ask?"

"Ask what?"

"The question that everyone else has asked me?"

"I don't know what everyone else has asked you, but I can guess, and no I'm not going to ask you that."

Her blue eyes look at him with uncertainty. He stares back at her and sees the pain, and the answer in her eyes.

"You're not curious? You're not going to..."

"No. I'm not curious. I don't have to ask, you don't have to tell me. Catherine I know that you think that I don't notice things about the people around me, but there are some things that are impossible not to notice. I already know."

"But..."

"Catherine I know that he didn't take her. It would be a waste of time to ask you if he did."

"How am I supposed to handle this?"

"You're not," he tells her.

"Gil someone waltzed in here and just took her."

"I know."

"I can't lose her."

"You won't."

She nods, and turns around. She lets Grissom do his job without her watching over her shoulder. She heads back down the stairs and just waits, numbly. The house is quiet. Lindsey is asleep on the couch, and Lily sits in the kitchen drinking coffee. Brass and the two uniforms from earlier are gone.

Nick and Grissom finish processing at a quarter til six. They head back to the lab with the last of the evidence. Greg is waiting on them when they arrive. He starts with a grey hair found on the floor next to the bed. Nick works on a boot print. Grissom has started going through his evidence when Greg pages them. Nick and Grissom get to the DNA lab at the same time.

"Hi Grissom."

"Greg what do you have?"

"I've got a match with CODIS."

"And?"

"The hair belongs to a Bryan West."

"That name sounds familiar," Grissom recalls.

"He got out of jail three weeks ago. He served twelve years for the murder of his wife. Was paroled three years early for good behavior."

"Who was the CSI on the case?" Grissom questions.

"Catherine. Will someone tell me what's going on?"

"Greg it's on a need to know basis," Nick answers.

"Ok," he nods.

"Got an address?"

"Yeah. 426 Grant street, apartment 3 B."

Grissom and Nick leave the lab calling Brass on their way. Brass meets them at the apartment where they find no one. After clearing the apartment a uniform comes in.

"Captain we got a hit on the APB."

"He was spotted by an officer who was called out to a domestic disturbance at the Holiday inn on North Boulder Highway in Henderson."

"Did he see the little girl with him?" Jim asks.

"No just saw him go into the room."

"Let's go," Jim instructs.

They call for back-up on the way. Nick calls Catherine to meet them. They use infrared to see into the hotel room. Catherine has just pulled up as Jim knocks on the door.

"LVPD open up."

They knock the door down to find the suspect holding a gun to the little girl's head.

"Don't come in or I'll shoot."

"Bryan it's over. Give it up. Let the girl go."

"I'm going back either way. I might as well go back for a murder I actually committed."

"I'm sure that we can make a deal," Jim negotiates.

"No. That broad's got a lesson to learn."

"Drop your weapon," Jim demands.

The suspect cocks the weapon. Layla hears the click and closes her eyes. A shot is fired. Layla falls to the ground. With is weapon still drawn Jim stares at the suspect who is lying on the ground with a round in his stomach. He reaches for the gun.

"Laylaཀ" Jim yells. She runs towards him. He hugs her tightly as two officers join him at the door. One of the uniform officers shoots the gun out of the suspect's hand. The two uniformed officers quickly go into the room and grab the suspect's weapon, and cuff him. They lead him out of the room. Jim stands outside the room staring at a shocked little girl.

"Layla are you ok?"

"I want my mommy," she answers.

"Did that man hurt you?"

"No, I just want my mommy."

Catherine makes her way through all the officers. Jim picks up the little girl and moves toward Catherine.

"Mommyཀ"

Catherine takes her from Jim and squeezes her tightly. She kisses the top of her head, and pets her hair.

"Mommy I can't breath."

Catherine loosens her grip. "Are you ok?" Catherine asks her with tears streaming down her face.

"I'm fine mommy."

"Did he hurt you?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fine. Mommy please just take me home."

"I know that you want to go home, but you've got to go to the hospital."

"Why?"

"I just want to be sure that nothing happened to you."

"Mommy I'm sleepy. Please just take me home."

Catherine eventually convinces Layla that she has to go to the hospital. She waits outside the door as a doctor examines her daughter. Grissom comes in behind her.

"How is she?"

"She seems ok."

"How are you?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"You want to talk about it?"

"I don't know..."

"You know I'm a very good listener."

"I know that Grissom. I'm so glad that you..."

"Don't mention it," he tells her.

The curtain peels back and a doctor walks out.

"How is she?" Catherine asks.

"She's fine," he answers.

"You're sure?"

"He didn't do anything to her. She's perfectly fine. You can take her home if you'd like just stop by the front desk and fill out the discharge papers."

"Thank you," she weakly smiles for a millisecond.

The doctor walks past Grissom.

"I should..."he tries to excuse himself.

"It's ok. Come meet her," she tells him.

"Ok," he agrees.

He follows her over to the hospital bed.

"Mommy can I go home now?"

Catherine pulls some clothes out of her bag.

"I brought you some clean p.j.'s."

Layla stands up in the bed. "Mommy I'm tooo tired to dress myself."

Catherine smiles and carefully pulls Dora the Explorer underwear on her daughter under the hospital gown. She cautiously peels off the hospital gown and lays it aside. She slips a princess night gown on over her head. Layla hugs her neck.


	15. No Place Like Home

"Are you ready to go home?" she asks.

"Yes," she answers.

Catherine lifts her off the bed onto her hip.

"Layla this is my friend Grissom."

"Hi," she waves.

"Hi Layla," he smiles at her.

"Mommy I'm very sleepy."

"I know sweetheart," Catherine hugs her tightly.

"Layla you were very brave," Grissom tells her.

"I was scared. I just wanted to go home to mommy," she admits.

Catherine stops at the front desk and fills out Layla's discharge papers. She heads to the parking lot.

"I'm going to follow you home," he tells her.

"Grissom you don't have to do that."

"I just want to make sure that you're safe."

"Ok," she agrees.

He follows her home and walks her in. He checks the house, once he's satisfied that no one is there he leaves her. Catherine lays a sleeping Layla on her bed. She hops in the shower. She's got shampoo in her hair when she hears Layla's voice. She can hear her clearly through the cracked bathroom door.

"Mommy, where are you?"

"Layla I'm in the shower. I'll be out in a second. Are you ok?"

"Uh huh," she answers.

Catherine quickly rinses the shampoo, towels off and slips on some pajamas. She heads into the bedroom to find Layla waiting on her.

"Mommy," Layla says sheepishly as Catherine crawls into bed.

"What?"

"Do you have to go to work tomorrow?"

"Why?"

"I don't want you to leave me. I don't want to go to grandma's."

"I know baby," Catherine tells her as she flips off her lamp.

Layla curls up against her chest. She places her hand on Catherine's heart.

"I was asleep, and when I woke up I was in the car, but it wasn't our car, and I didn't know that man."

"Layla I promise no one will ever take you from me ever again."

"Do you have to go to work tomorrow?"

"I have to go talk to my boss tomorrow."

"Are you going to leave me?"

"No, you can come with me."

"Ok."

"Goodnight Layla."

"Night mommy I love you."

"I love you more," she answers as she kisses Layla's forehead.

Catherine wakes up five hours later. She lays still, and watches as Layla sleeps. She picks up her phone and calls her mother's number.

"Hello?"

"Hey Linds are you ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine. What happened last night?"

"You really slept through all of that?"

"Yeah what happened?"

"Someone broke into your grandmother's house he took your sister."

"Did you find her?"

"Yeah we found her. She's ok."

"Where is she?"

"She's right here with me."

"Is she awake?"

"No she's still asleep."

"Ok. Call me later."

"Will you be ok there? I've got some things to do today, and I don't want you to be alone here."

"I'll be fine grandma made me pancakes."

"Ok. I love you."

"Love you too mom. Bye."

Catherine hangs up the phone, and rolls back over. She finds Layla staring at the ceiling.

"Are you awake?" she asks softly.

"Yes," the little girl answers.

"Why are you staring at the ceiling?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"Are you ready to get up?"

"Uh huh. What time is it?"

"Three fifteen," Catherine answers.

"In the morning? Why is the sun out?"

"It's three fifteen in the afternoon Layla. Yesterday was a very long day."

Catherine arrives at the lab at five after four. She pulls into her usual parking space and puts the car in park. She turns off the engine and unbuckles. She climbs out of the driver's seat, and walks around to the back. The door opens as she reaches the rear passenger side. She reaches out and helps Layla to the ground. She shuts the car door behind her and holds her hand.

"Mommy carry me."

"Layla you're too big," Catherine tells her.

"No I'm not," she argues.

"Layla I'm too tired to carry you. You'll have to walk."

"Ok," Layla sighs unsatisfied with her mother's answer.

She finds Nick waiting on her at the door. She eyes him suspiciously.

"How long have you been waiting there?"

"Not long."

"How did you know that I was coming?"

"I overheard Grissom talking to you."

"Did you get any sleep?"

"Yeah, probably more than you."

"You're not a good liar."

"He wants to talk to you."

"Who?"

"Bryan West."

"Me?"

"Yeah he said he won't talk to anyone but you,"Nick answers.

"Ok," Catherine nods.

Nick bends down to Layla's level.

"Hi Layla do you remember me?"

"Uh huh," she nods.

"Why don't you come with me?"

"I want to stay with mommy."

"Your mommy has some work to do. Why don't you come with me? I got some ice cream for you."

"What kind?" she asks him.

"Chocolate," he answers.

"Good cause I'm allergic to strawberry."

"I think that I might even have a coloring book and some crayons too," Nick tells her.

Layla turns to Catherine. Catherine adjusts the barrette in her hair. "It's ok. I'm not going to leave the building."

"Ok," Layla agrees.

Nick extends his hand. Layla takes it and follows him down the hall. Catherine makes her way to the interrogation room. She finds Jim waiting on her.

"He's been waiting on you," Jim tells her.

"I don't think that I should go in there."

"You'll be fine," he reassures her.

"Jim I might hurt him. I probably will hurt him, the bastard took my daughter."

"I know. Just try to keep it together."

"I can't make any promises."

"If you're provoked, no one would say a word."


	16. Karma

Catherine enters the interrogation room. Jim follows behind her. Jim takes a seat in the chair on the right. Catherine remains standing. She stares down at the man in cuffs. He looks up at her and smiles.

"I'm glad that you came Catherine," he continues to smile.

"Why did you take my daughter?"

"Karma," he answers.

"Excuse me?"

"You took my daughter away from me. My daughter was three years old when I went to prison. She's fifteen now. Her grandmother was nice enough to let me see her, but she doesn't even remember me. She's afraid of me."

"I didn't take your daughter from you. You murdered your wife."

"I didn't murder my wife. I didn't do anything to her. I never laid a hand on my wife or my daughter. You put away the wrong man Miss Willows."

"Every criminal says that they're innocent."

"I am innocent."

"So you took my daughter?"

"You needed to understand. You needed to feel the same pain that I felt. To know that someone stole your child from you and that there wasn't a damn thing that you could do about it."

"How did you find her?"

"I saw you at the arcade with your little girl. I followed you home. Then yesterday when you left your house I followed you again. I didn't want to hurt your daughter, just like you didn't intend to hurt mine, but you had to see. How did it feel? Did it kill you not to know how your daughter was, if she was dead or alive? I bet it was torture not to know if you'd see her again or not."

Catherine doesn't say anything.

"I didn't have a choice. There wasn't any other way. I can't get back those years with my daughter, those years that you took away from me. But you can fix it. You can make my daughter not be afraid of me."

"And how is that?" she questions.

"Prove I didn't kill her mother."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because if you don't when I get out I'll hunt your little girl down, and you really won't ever see her again, at least not alive."

Catherine says nothing, she just looks at Jim. Jim gets out of his chair and grabs Catherine's arm.

"Come on," he leads her out of the room. When they get out of the room he continues, "I know that he's despicable and that you want to hurt him, but we need to do this by the book if you want justice served."

"I know," she answers.

"Where is Layla?"

"She's with Nick," Catherine tells him.

"You know Ecklie will want to talk to you."

"I know," she answers.

Catherine heads to the break room to find Nick. On her way someone steps into her path.

"Not so fast," he tells her.

"Ecklie I'm not going to do this right now."

"Catherine know what happened yesterday, but I need to ask you a few questions."

"Fine Ecklie," she sighs in defeat.

She follows him to his office. She takes a seat and stares at him.

"Do you have your daughter's birth certificate with you?"

"No why?"

"I'd like to see it."

"Why do you want to see it?"

"I..."

"Look Ecklie if you want to see her birth certificate you'll need to get a court order. There's nothing on there that you need to see."

"What's her full name?"

"Layla Brielle Willows."

"Date of birth?"

"November 21st 2003."

"Who is her father?"

"She doesn't have one."

"So if I got a copy of her birth certificate what would it say under father?"

"None."

"Really?"

"Ecklie just ask what it is that you want to ask."

"Who is her father?"

"She doesn't have one."

"Is it someone in this department?"

"No."

"Warrick Brown isn't her father?"

"That's not any of your business," she answers getting out of her chair, and heading for the door.

"We're not done," he tells her.

"Yes we are," she answers leaving the room.

She starts down the hall to the break room once again. She decides to stop in her office. She finds Grissom sitting across from her usual seat. She shuts the door and looks at him.

"What are you doing?" she asks.

"Waiting on you. How are you doing?"

"I'm ok."

"And Layla?"

"She probably won't sleep in her own bed until she's about twenty five, but other than that she's ok."

"She's beautiful. She reminds me of you."

"Yeah how so?"

"Her strength and resilience. And her eyes."

"Her eyes? Her eyes are green. I don't know if you've ever noticed but my eyes..."

"Your eyes are blue. I didn't mean it that way Catherine. She has this look in her eyes that she knows more than she should, just like you."

"She's certainly seen more than she should."

"Tell me about her."

"What do you want to know? Why do you want to know?"

"I'm intrigued by her."

"Why?"

"I don't know," he shrugs.

"She didn't talk until she was two years old."

"Hm..."

"Actually sometimes the things that she does reminds me of you."

"How so?"

"She just observes things quietly, but she also likes to ask questions."

"Asking questions is how you learn things."

"I know. She's... so much different than Lindsey. She's almost always happy, I mean she's sad when I leave her, but she smiles all the time. She is so attached to me. She hates when I leave her. She still cries when I leave sometimes. She'll cry for hours."

"I wish that you had told me about her."

"I'm sorry," she apologizes, "So when are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow."

"Do you have to go?"

"Yeah. I don't belong here anymore."

"But you're always welcome."

"I know," he smiles.

"So why didn't you ask me?"

"Ask you what?"

"The question that everyone wants to ask me. Gil I don't understand why it's so important. It isn't any of their business, and even if it was why do they all want to know so badly?"

"It's nice to have a definite answer to your theories."

"She's my daughter, mine and mine alone."

"There's nothing wrong with that."

"So why do I feel like I've cheated her?"

"Catherine you did the best thing that you could for her. Maybe you feel like you've cheated yourself. "

"I used to think that knowing a crappy father was better than knowing no father at all, but it's not that simple. I guess what we think doesn't always coincide with what we do."

"You never told him?"

"No," she shakes her head shamefully.

"It was probably better that way."

"I hope so."

"She's got his eyes."

"When she wakes up and looks at me I see him in her. I used to feel guilty when I looked at her. Now when I look at her I just feel so thankful that I have her."

"Where is she by the way?"

"She's with Nick eating ice cream."

"I have something for her, it that's ok with you."

"Is it alive?"

"No," he answers quickly.

"Then it's ok with me."

He smiles and leaves the room. Catherine lingers for a minute before getting out of her chair. She pushes the door open and finds Ecklie standing on the other side.


End file.
